Quiet Calls Me
When all that waits for me is noise
The silence seems so peaceful.
When all that waits for me is brightness
The darkness seems so calm.
When all that waits for me is clamor
Solitude seems like bliss.
I have smiled, laughed, and chatted
Through all my day today.
Today has been a good day,
But when it comes towards its close
I want an end in a quiet way.
One simple step outside the hubbub, and
I suddenly realize
How much I need to be alone.
It’s not because I’m hurting,
Not because I’m sad.
It’s not that I’m tired of others,
I only need a moment.
It’s simply that there’s a side of me
The relishes the quiet and calm.
That step outside has led me
To a silent, dark lone room,
Where suddenly all thoughts flee
Except that of solitude.
I cast a glance behind me
To the place where I ought to be,
Where friendly faces gather,
Waiting patiently for me.
I need this moment – I feel it –
But I cannot simply vanish
Into my sweet solitude.
My friends would wait and wonder,
If I were to stay,
And the thought would haunt me.
So I pull back, reluctantly,
Though the quiet calls me so,
And return to the world
Of noise, color, clamor.
And now my smile may seem tired,
My laugh a little strained,
My conversation diminished
– Now I seem overall drained.
It’s because I’ve made a sacrifice,
Though no one may ever know.
I’ve given up on sweet solitude
To return to friends once more.
My being longs for quiet,
But here I am again.
The silence seems so peaceful,
The darkness so calm.
With all that waits for me,
Solitude seems like bliss.
Oh that I could enjoy it!
Oh that I could ignore
The calls of outside duty!
– But no, I will not today.
© Autumn Lee
(From an undated sheet of notebook paper, likely 2014 or 2015. I leave old poems largely unedited, to preserve how they reflect my style and my self at the time of their composition.)
Just Plain Words 